Down Memory Lane

I found this letter this morning in a box.
I am happy to report, that I smiled. I didn't cry. I didn't wish for a very sharp axe. I didn't even glimpse the Depths of Despair. I think even the pity might be gone. Now there is just a sigh.
And by the way, I don't think he ever spelled my name correctly.

To Lady Kathrine of Gooch,

Behold, mine ear hath heard thine cry, and my lips shall answer. Verily, my liver fareth well and my heart is gladdened at the good report of thine. Tis good to know thou hast not been overtaken by the spells of fainting. Hark! A teacher approaches! I must conceal my quill and hide my papyrus!!.......Lo, she is gone. I now take up my pen in hand to write thee tidings of great joy. I don't like anybody! Tis a great feat and hard to accomplish, but lo, I have done it. My heart is unshackled and my soul free as a dove. (You really should try it sometime.) Verily, my love, I must part from thy sweet presence, and come away from thine bountiful beauty, for behold on the horizon!! A dragon! Fierce is he, and a formidable foe. And the name of terror that hast been dubbed upon him is a name that makes strong men tremble and shake in their boots, for Lo! His evil name is Schoolwork! And I must overcome him. Until next time, I remain yours truly,

Reverand Knigh Errant Studley of Brownie Button

PS Your favorite football player, Reggie White, retired. He has a league record of 165 sacks to his credit, but his back hurts so he's gonna stay home and sniffle.